When Heroes Aren't So Fearless
by angstyteenagetrash
Summary: A short drabble. Will be updated sporadically. Rating may change later. Chap. 1 Padrem Amidala comes home to a pleasant surprise. The pleasant surprise quickly turns not so pleasant. I took the name from Hero with No Fear like they called Anakin in the Clone Wars fem!Anakin gender swap/gender bend Anidala Don't forget to review!
1. Long Days and Longer Nights

Padrem sighed. It had been a long day at the Senate, and all he wanted right now was rest. He ran his hand through his dark hair and went towards his room. Thankfully, Threepio was no where to be see. What he saw when he entered his bedroom surprised him slightly.

Anaka was sprawled in the middle of the bed, on arm on her belly and the other flung across the sheets. Her hair was messy and tangled, leading Padrem to believe she had had a long day as well. He hadn't known she was going to be home. He smiled. He hadn't seem Anaka in a few weeks, and even though they both had things to do tomorrow, sleeping next to her was just what he needed. He changed out of his bulky Senate robes, and into something more comfortable.

Anaka stirred. Padrem sat on the bed next to her and pushed a peice of hair off her face. She clenched her metal hand into a fist. Padrem frowned.

Suddenly, she tossed her head and her body tensed. Her breathing picked up. She clenched both hands into fists, and a frowned appeared on her face.

"No! No, I'm sorry!" she muttered. "I didn't mean it - I- I didn't know, please!" Her cries were frantic and Padrem shook her, trying to wake her up.

"Anaka! Anaka, it's just a nightmare, wake up!"

Anaka's eyes flew open. She stared at Padrem for a moment, then flung her arms around him and sobbed into his chest. Padrem held her tightly and whispered sweet nothings into her ear.

Finally, Anaka sat back and wiped her eyes. Her breathing was still shaky, and Padrem didn't let go. Tentatively, he asked,

"Nightmare?" She nodded. "Want to talk about it?" he asked gently. Anaka took a shaky breath and looked out the window.

"The last mission we went on - Obi-Wan and I - we went to an Outer Rim planet. Um... the people there militarily supported the Sepratists, and we - we had to fight them. Padrem, they were humans! They - we - we had to fight, to /kill/ humans, our own kind! It -" she stopped for a moment as the tears came again. "It was awful! It wasn't like killing battle droids, because we don't actually kill them. We can't! They aren't alive, they were programmed. But the humans? They were living human being, I killed my own kind!" She sounded desperate, distraught. "I can still see the way the light went out of their eyes, the way they knew death was coming and that it was inevitable! I - I haven't slept fully in weeks, Padrem," she finished, looking at him. And Padrem saw the way her eyes were hollow, the normally bright blue were dull. There were bags under her eyes, and the scar glinted especially bright on the darker skin.

Padrem wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. She had been through so much, came out so scarred, and Padrem felt more helpless than ever before. He knew she could only confront her demons by herself, but he wished so badly to be able to help. He knew though, that as long as he was with her, she would be able to confront them.

"Sh, my darling Anaka, I am with you," he said softly as she cried once more on his chest.

"I don't know what I would do without you, Padrem," she said hoarsely.

"You would fight. You would keep going. You would survive, just like you did on the harsh deserts of Tatooine," he replied firmly, but gently. Anaka just shook her head. Padrem knew that she didn't believe him.

"Come back to sleep, my love," he said. She shook her head and wiped her eyes.

"I told you, I can't. The nightmares with come back."

"No they won't," Padrem said. "I'll keep them away." He pulled her down with him under the sheets, and she pressed herself against his side, buried her face in the crook of his neck. He knew she believed him.

"I love you, Anaka," he whispered in the dark. Just before he fell asleep, he heard,

"And I will always love you, Padrem."

And for the first night in weeks, Anaka sleep soundly with no nightmares.


	2. She's Was Fine, Really

Anaka Skywalker took a deep breath as she exited the Jedi Council room. She was thankful debriefing hadn't taken that long. She and Obi-Wan Kenobi had just landed on Courasant only minutes earlier from a rather brutal battle on a Core planet. Her limbs were aching and she felt as if she could sleep for days. Obi-Wan stepped out. The two friends faced each other and looked themselves over.

"You look terrible," they said at the same time. Anaka smirked as Obi-Wan chuckled.

"Come on, old friend, let's get cleaned up," he admonished.

"I have never heard a better idea," Anaka replied dryly. Obi-Wan chuckled again.

"Oh, I'm sure you have." His eyes lit up suddenly, and Anaka felt happiness radiate from him. She looked around to find the cause of his happiness. Siri Tachi. Of course. She nudged Obi-Wan with her shoulder.

"Go talk to her. I know you want to," Anaka said slyly. Obi-Wan rolled his eyes and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Are you sure you can get to the infirmary alright?" he asked. Now it was Anaka's turn to roll her eyes.

"I'm not a youngling, Master, I think I can get there by myself fine. Now go!" She said, laughing, and pushed her mentor towards his female friend. Anaka shook her head as Obi-Wan headed over and then continued on her way. Suddenly, she felt lightheaded and put out a hand to steady herself on the wall. A Jedi or two gave her a curious look, but she waved them on. She was fine, she really was. She pushed off the wall and took slightly unsteady steps. She was fine, though, really. But then her foot gave way and she fell against the wall. Her breathing was ragged and she leaned heavily on the wall, her dark blonde hair falling over her shoulder.

"Anaka?"  
She whirled around as best as she could. It was Obi-Wan.

"Obi-Wan," she said, but it sounded strangled.

"What's wrong? Anaka? Anaka!"

Anaka never answered. Her eyes rolled back into her head as she collasped. Obi-Wan caught her and lifted her carefully.  
Something was wrong. He ran as fast as he could to the Temple Infirmary while keeping the ride as smooth as possible for his injured apprentice. Something was very wrong.

* * *

Padrem Amidala flashed his identification at the Jedi security. They nodded to let him through and Padrem went as fast as he could through the halls without seeming suspisious.  
He had been contacted by Obi-Wan Kenobi during a meeting with Bail Organa and Mon Montha, with the devastating news that Anaka Skywalker had been gravely injured and was in surgery. Padrem had left soon after, explaining the situation to his friends. Thankfully, they understood and held nothing against him.  
He rounded a corner and saw Obi-Wan pacing outside the door.

"Obi-Wan!" Padrem called. His friend looked up and gave a tight smile. As they shook hands, Padrem asked,  
"How is she doing? Will she be alright?" Obi-Wan looked grim.

"I don't know," he said honestly. "And I wish I did. The med droids said she had severe internal damage, and I was lucky to have gotten her there in time."

That did nothing to make Padrem feel better.

"When did she go into surgery?" he asked.

"A few hours ago. They said that she had slim chances, but we both know Anaka isn't one to listen." Obi-Wan placed a hand on Padrem's shoulder.

"She'll be alright, Padrem. We both know she's a tough fighter."  
It was times like these that made Padrem wonder if Obi-Wan knew what was between the two. Or maybe it was just because Obi-Wan knew just what to say. Padrem took a deep breath. "Yes. She is."

* * *

Anaka's eyes cracked open. She blinked several times to adjust to the bright light. Someone was holding her hand.

"Anaka!" Wait. She knew that voice. It was - it was -

"Padrem?" she asked, her voice hoarse. She tried to focus on her husband's face. He radiated concern, and a little fear, but mostly happiness.

"Yes! Yes, it's me!" he exclaimed softly. "How do you feel?" His brown eyes bore into her's, seeking the truthful answer.

"Well," her voice cracked, "I'm trying to decide between run over by a Bantha, or having just taken a dip in the Sarlacc pit."

"Well, I seem your humor has survived," Obi-Wan said, having just entered the room.

"Master, if only one part of me ever survives, it'll be my humor," Anaka said with a smirk. Obi-Wan shook his head.

"Well, I must go inform the Council that you've awakened. I'll be back soon."

When he left, Anaka turned her gaze on Padrem.

"Oh, Padrem," she whispered. Padrem leaned over her and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. It was all they could do,  
especially in the Jedi Temple.

"Really, Anaka, how do you feel?" Padrem asked. He was going to get a real answer this time. Anaka didn't meet his eyes.

"Terrible. I ache all over. What happened, anyways?"

Now, Padrem wouldn't meet her eyes.

"They think it was during your mission. You had severe internal damage. You passed out, Obi-Wan said. He had to carry you over. They say you were lucky to survive." The last part was quieter.

"Hey," Anaka said softly. "I'm here, aren't I? I'm not leaving you any time soon, okay?" She reached up and touched his jaw. "Okay?"

Padrem nodded.

"Okay. And don't try to come see me tonight, alright? You need to stay and rest." Padrem left no room for argument, and Anaka knew it.  
She gave him a cheeky grin.

"Because, I definitely wouldn't be resting if I came to see you." Padrem rolled his eyes.

"Just go back to sleep, love. You've been through a lot."He kissed her forehead.

"You don't know half of it," she whispered, before falling asleep.


End file.
